What Is This Blog About?!

My blog is called ”Identified Patient 88”.

Identified patient, or “IP“, is a term used in a clinical setting to describe the person in a dysfunctional family who has been unconsciously selected to act out the family’s inner conflicts as a diversion.”  (Have you ever considered yourself the ‘black sheep’ in your family)? 

Also known as

“The Scapegoat, or no good child. In a NPD (Narcissist Personality Disorder) family, the scapegoat is the recipient of the narcissist’s negative projections. They can never do anything right. The name ‘rebel’ implies that the child has chosen this role”.

After years of believing and being told there is “something wrong” with me, I just realized that I am the SG (scapegoat) of my family. Although I had a happy childhood, upon entering adolescence, I became the ‘black sheep’ of my family.

My mother is my narcissist parent. I used to think it was my father, but it isn’t. It pains me to say it. But it is who she is.  I love her, I have always wanted her approval, but no matter what I do, it is never good enough. I have spent my entire life chasing the dangling carrot of her approval. It took me a long time to realize that everything she does and says has an agenda.

She has two children: me, the Scapegoat, and my sister, her Golden child, who is ‘successful’ and can do no wrong.

She is very manipulative, playing my sibling and I against each other, us against our father, our father against me, or…everyone against me.

I grew up with my family being the most central part of my life. I have grown up with a ‘family first’ mentality.  Family before everything. Because they love you when nobody else will. Family first…or else.

I am the loving, sensitive, overly empathetic one.  The one who is taken for granted.  Everyone in my family complains to ME about the rest of the family. If I simply talk about my feelings, I am called ”a spoiled brat”, ”entitled”, and am reminded of ”how much everyone else does for me”. I am in my late 20’s, but I am spoken to like a child.

My younger sibling, the ‘Golden Child’, is headstrong, stubborn, much less affectionate. And yet, she effortlessly gets her approval for everything. My mother will say ”I don’t want to ruin my relationship with your sister”. My mother has never shown any concern for her relationship with me.

I made this blog as an outlet for all of my feelings. This is still very fresh.  If I can help anyone along the way…that would be wonderful.